Healing invites us to evolve.
Evolution (noun): the process of change in a certain direction
Synonyms: unfold, grow, progress, emerge, blossom
Evolution and change have always excited me. In fact, it’s my nature to desire and embrace change. But when it comes to actually changing, the idea is way easier to embrace than the practice. The intersection of my desire for change and the impetus to stay put has a lot to do with my journey with grief. Grief has many stages, ups and downs, and throughs; it’s messy and unpredictable. But one thing that has been constant about it is that it wants me to stay put. It’s a battle of the will to move through it. It’s kept toys, clothes, and eyeglasses in drawers for over a decade. It’s given a microphone to self-doubt and a bullhorn to imposter syndrome. Perhaps it’s trying to keep me safe, riding shotgun with my ego. But I think it’s also secretly whispering to me and taunting – if you stay here, you stay close to Ethan. Stay close to that which formed you so beautifully and horribly. Stay close to the what ifs and if onlys. Don’t venture out too far; you might get hurt or disappointed again.
While I appreciate the protection, I know grief and challenges are more of an invitation to transformation than anything else. And I know that staying safe and still are not ultimately what brings healing. And so grief and challenge really invite me to continue transforming, evolving, and shifting toward the next version of myself. Somedays, I tell them to hold on because I need a minute. They are patient, but they beckon me to keep working with them to continue unfolding my purpose in this world for the time I’m here. And one thing I know, Ethan is riding shotgun, cheering me along. And I know Bodey’s horrible disease and incredible spirit are part of the story. And all the ripples, questions, mountains, and valleys are part of it. All of it is as it is as it should be. And I seek to surrender to it all over and over again.
About 18 months ago, I sensed a change coming. I felt it in my bones. What I was doing wasn’t working. I did not feel energized by my work; I felt overwhelmed, and the things I deeply desired fell further and further into the background. I was frustrated, even angry at myself and my circumstances. I was amidst a very challenging year with my son, Bodey. He was in and out of the hospitals and doctor’s offices due to continued vision loss, which brought about many challenges that seemed to overtake my every day. Even in all that, I sensed my spirit saying – “Jessica, change is coming. It’s time.”
I felt restless with the Ethan Lindberg Foundation. I knew it was time for it to evolve. I dragged my feet for a long time because - why upset a good thing? People liked it; they supported it. It filled a need. If I changed, would people come with me? Would they see or share my vision? Would the organization fail? I had pages of notes filled with new ideas and a possible direction. I wanted the organization to evolve as I had evolved. I was no longer interested in one identity; I wanted it to embody life as I now understood it—a journey of growth, heartache, and triumph. I know money is a vehicle to support change. I saw how the Heart Strong message resonated with people across different life stories. I knew that message needed to be front and center.
As The Ethan Lindberg Foundation grew, I lived in the background – raising a fully disabled child with a rare disease with no treatment, little research, and nearly zero support. I was battling our intensely broken healthcare and education systems. I was raising two healthy, amazing boys emerging as incredible athletes and wonderful students who are insightful and wise beyond their years. Their life experience of loss and challenge marked them in a way that both broke my heart and made it swell with pride. We faced continuous challenges due to the reality of our lives, and our continuous commitment to growth through challenge was a practice that I knew mattered and was life-shifting.
At some point, the foundation became about who we had been, not who we were becoming. I needed this part of my life to reflect the whole story, not just part of it. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about the non-profit industry, partnerships, and strategic decision-making. I also learned a lot about boundaries, people-pleasing, and brand-building. I didn’t create the foundation to be about Ethan – he didn’t need me to do that – but rather inspired by Ethan and about the families I’d met and the change I wanted to see made in the world because of Ethan’s story. And so, the next chapter needed to be about social impact and inspiring people to grow through life’s challenges. Some of what we had would remain, and some would change.
As I was working on the foundation’s evolution, seeking counsel on the change from trusted people and professionals, I heard the same message repeatedly – Jessica – you are the secret sauce; you need to build your brand too. If you grow, the organization grows. This is part of the next step. As I heard this continuous message, I knew it was true. But can I let you in on a secret – I do not care about likes or follows or any of it.
But I do care about influence—a lot. I do care about being a steward of my life and story. And I do believe my story and all I’ve learned is a hard-earned gift that God wants me to share with others. And so, I had to admit to myself that I needed to step out more and BE who I know I’m called to be.
I worked with a brand storyteller to redo the copy on my website. I invested in a visual refresh of my website. I decided to share my story both on The Heart Strong and my personal site in a way that makes me slightly uncomfortable. Last year, I was trained to be an International Coaching Federation coach. And so I’m opening up a coaching and mentoring practice. I love keynote speaking. I love connecting with audiences. It’s something I want to be really good at. I’m not there yet, but I will be. So, I’m putting myself out there to do more speaking engagements. I have a ton of experience in brand-building and business creation and working within healthcare and patient advocacy, so I’m stepping out to offer business and non-profit advisory services that I know can help others.
These are things I’ve known are for me for a LONG time. In fact, in the background, I’ve been doing them. But I’ve held back offering them and owning them as part of me because my life is full, and I’ve put an incredible amount of my time, energy, and creative force into the foundation. And because my mind tells me all the messages that keep me quiet. At some point, staying small and quiet, hiding our gifts, and staying where we are becomes painful. More painful or desperate than sharing them. The longer I live, the more I’m certain we are on a journey, and the process matters way more than the destination. I also believe that evolution is what healing looks like. As we heal, we shift. As we heal, we embrace new places and ideas. We feel more capable of risk-taking and stepping into the fullness of who we are.
Those who cheer us on in our evolution are also evolving. Those who are critical are not. Be careful whose voice you listen to and whose opinions you consider. Try, fail, evolve, trust, heal, and try again. Live the fullness of your calling. Live your evolution.
Today, I want you to know this: You have the permission to change, evolve, emerge, heal, and shift. Doing so means you are growing. You will leave some people behind. You will leave some places behind. Some you can’t wait to leave, and others that will be painful. Thank them all, bless them all, and continue moving forward, not to a destination, per se, but towards your unfolding. Your life is an adventure. Keep adventuring and trusting your journey.
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