As women we struggle with self worth, confidence, the inner critic. Grief and special needs parenting have been huge hits to my self-confidence, to my vision for the future. But deep inside I have met the me that God created. The one designed for the story I am living. There’s no mistake in the story, nothing out of place or unseen by God. She may not look like the woman I planned for, but she is home. In low moments I wish I wasn’t her, in high ones, I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

Today I want to give you one of the sweetest, most liberating gifts I’ve been given during the past five years as I’ve learned to live with the death of Ethan, the hardships that arose from his journey and now the acceptance of my son Bodey’s rare muscular dystrophy and many, many things in between. This gift has taken me from bitter to peaceful; from imprisoned to free. I want to give you permission to wrestle with your faith. Whatever deep, burdensome questions plague your heart, today you have the liberty to ask them.

Teach me God about your goodness. Show me an open space. Bring breath to my lungs and energy to my being. Show me that I can hope again. That I can see goodness. That my life is not a narrative of disappointment. Not a narrative of sickness. Help me to breathe easy. Just for a bit. I'm a weary traveler. I know how to find beauty in the damp dark forrest. I've seen the gifts in the darkness. But I'm looking for gifts in the light. Show me your light. Show me the fulfillment of my hearts desires. The ones that can be realized on this earth. Bring breath to my lungs. Uphold me. See me. Let me feel your presence. Let me feel free.