The Privilege of Being Present
Presence: bearing, occupy, watchfulness, calmness, manifestation, nearness, the composure of mind, noticing. The opposite of absence, agitation, distress, and distance.
How are you this week? We’re entering another month of our “new right now”. I was texting with my friend Bridgett and she mentioned she disliked the term, “new normal” and said she preferred “new right now”. I love that too. This is where we are today, in our "new right now".
What do you think when you think of, being present? In the past, the idea of mindfulness, self-care, the beauty of nature, or the joy of moment has come to mind. But as we live in this new right now, the idea of being present brings a whole new slew of thoughts to mind.
I’m taking the month of May to dig into the idea of what it means to be present in our lives in this season and how being more present might help us as we move forward. This time of quarantine and social distancing has required us to be present to our lives and families in a way many of us were not prepared. At least, I wasn’t :-)
Being present in the beautiful part of life is satisfying. Soul opening, really. The ocean waves on vacation, our kid’s birthdays, or a quiet moment with a loved one. Many of us don’t take enough time to relish in the moments that we are gifted. We race past them to “more important” tasks. We tell ourselves we’ll spend time with that friend when work lightens up. We put off a walk in nature because we think we should be cleaning our house or we see a pile of laundry that needs folding. We tell our kids to come back later when they knock on our office door to share an idea while we are working. But when we do stop to enjoy these moments, our hearts are so full and we promise ourselves we’ll let more of this beauty and love into our lives.
But there is also a reality of being present that is uncomfortable. Being present is choosing to strip the excess from the moment and feel all we feel. It looks like self-acceptance. It’s vulnerable. It looks like a yoga class where we realize our hamstrings are so tight so we body shame instead of accepting what we can do. Being present as our friend faces cancer is uncomfortable because it causes us to face our own mortality. Being present with our child as they struggle with school is frustrating and sad because we worry about their future. Facing any loss or grief requires tremendous presence in order to experience healing.
If we are honest, we’re quick to reach for a distraction instead of choosing presence. We opt to numb our pain instead of facing it. We choose the rush over the slow down. We push off our painful right nows for later when we feel like dealing with them. We welcome the beautiful moments, we push off the distressing ones.
If you’ve been following me long enough, you’ve heard me say that I believe life is an invitation. And one of the parts of that invitation is the invitation to be present. Now we can’t be present to everything that calls for our attention, but we can choose to dig into life in front of us and seek ways to bear our joys and pains. Plain and simple, we can learn to accept what we’ve got.
I struggle with being present, not because I don’t want to be, but because my life requires so much of it. I’m a natural big picture thinker and an achiever who loves nothing more than bringing my ideas to life. Parenting children with chronic illness and special needs requires being in the present moment most of the day. It asks me to accept things I don’t want to and to readjust my expectations. Uncomfortable presence is something I have struggled to sit in. And since we are all in process, I continue to wrestle to become more content in this restless space. I’m better at it than I was a year ago, so I’ll keep trying. I hope you will too.
So this month I invite you to think about what it means to be present in your life.
What are the places where it’s easy for you to be present?
What are the areas where it’s hard for you to be present?
In this new right now, how can you be more present to yourself and to the people you love?