When you aren't where you are going, yet...
I was home in Ohio recently to see my family. Catching up with my mom, she shared that her career counseling business has taken off during COVID. People are home; they finally have a moment to take a breath and get honest with themselves. They aren't sure they want the same job any longer. They wonder if they are in the wrong career. Maybe they should work elsewhere? They are tired of working so many hours. They don't feel fulfilled. The career crisis ensues, and they finally decide to do something about it.
I don't think this is happening only in jobs, but also in marriages, relationships, workouts, the way we eat, and all the ways we do life. Many of us are wondering if there might be more or less or something different for us.
I've talked with people lately who feel like they are not where they've been, but not yet where they want to be. These feelings are bookended by a world that feels topsy turvy and a home life that's demanding. I'm paying attention to these conversations because I've been feeling so much of the same. I'm in transition between where I've been and where I'm going. I'm sharing this now because I've done a lot of work to clarify where I'm headed. And I'm getting close!
I felt this brewing about a year ago. I've committed to paying attention to life for many years now. So when something's bubbling up, I know the signs. I first felt the feeling of uncertainty in my body. My shoulders hiked, tense and painful. One day sitting at my desk, I realized that despite being a person who meditates and prays and is conscious of breathwork, I was taking tiny shallow breaths. My body felt tired, and though I had made things go and grow, something wasn't right.
Does any of this resonate with you? This past year has been SO much. Though we are not all in the same boat, we are all in some kind of boat, out to sea looking for the shore as we find our way through this strange and wildly unexpected season.
Since I've been thinking a lot about transition lately, here are some things you might think about as you face it in your own life. As always, if this resonates, I'd love to hear from you.
First, we've got to pay attention. I mentioned I first felt this in my body. Do you ever pay attention to the way your body feels? Those tensions or that pit in your stomach or those sweaty palms? Likewise, what does your body feel like when you are happy and settled? Notice those contrasts. We are body, mind, and spirit. Trust what you sense. And pay attention. I've made a practice of writing it all down. That helps bring insight and learn more about myself.
Second, it's essential to discern what's really going on. Is it that we are ready for something new, or are we not tending well to what's before us? What I'm saying is the lines between, "I sense it's time for a change" and "I want to run away from this" are gray. And yet these two different places are very different. This is where writing can be helpful. There is no rush, sort through what you are sensing and why. If you are struggling to discern this, perhaps enlist the help of a therapist or coach.
When we transition between where we are and where we are going, it's uncomfortable and frustrating. I like to know where I'm going so I can create the steps to get there. Being in this middle place takes faith. I was at a women's conference last weekend, my first time in a church building in over a year. It felt amazing to be surrounded by women seeking to do life on purpose. One of the big takeaways was a call to return to faith; faith in the unseen. Trust that there is a path, that things will unfold in the time they are meant to. This week, I'm focusing on faith over fear; faith over certainty. Sometimes all that's revealed is the next step. Take the step and trust the next one will be disclosed to you when you are ready.
It's okay to be in an unknown place. Our culture loves certainty, and if we don't have it, we create it. (I've been known to be quite good at this in my past life :-) We thrive on knowing. We don't like to not know. I've had to learn to accept the unknown as I've faced my boys' illnesses. Nearly 16 years into motherhood, I'm still learning how to do that. Some days it's easy; some days, it feels impossible. I've discovered compassion for myself on the hard days. I've also learned there are beautiful things to be found in the unknown, surprises inviting me to see in a new way. Keep paying attention.
Finally, our mindset matters. In this unknown place, you are closer to where you are going. You can't get to a new place without leaving the old and setting sail for new land. Remind yourself that you are headed towards uncovering more of your purpose. Believe you are getting closer. Tell yourself that living in the unknown is the path towards this new land.
For me, different transitions have taken various amounts of time. My grief journey is a metamorphosis that will continue for the rest of my life. As I shift in my career or in what I'm involved in professionally or personally, those transitions are shorter and less daunting.
I don't believe there is a destination. As humans, we're always in process. When it's time, we're invited to the next port of our journey, not staying past our time in one place or another (figuratively or literally). I'm learning to relish in this adventure. Going deeper, seeking new experiences and relationships, bravely some days, and reluctantly others. This is all part of the process. So trust yours. Be where you are today, and trust in where you are going.
