Hopeful Helpers
This week I hit a wall. I sat at my kitchen table, prepping for "distance learning" to begin. As I set up computers and printed sheets, I found myself mentally resisting the reality of our lives. Frankly, I just didn't feel like doing what I was being asked to do. All I could think was how am I going to teach my second and fifth-grader, quell Bodey, who is the sweetest boy and yet also needs constant caretaking? How would I find inspiration and creativity to lift a non-profit during an economic downturn, clean my house, fold the enormous pile of clothes that, despite daily folding, still remains, and feed the non-stop eaters all with the air of uncertainty swirling around us?
I hit a wall because life keeps going behind the scenes of all of this. All the concerns and stresses that were there before are now magnified. All our dreams still remain while we are pivoting something in our lives from the way we grocery shop to the way we run and grow our businesses.
It all feels so much bigger than us.
I stood in my kitchen and cried.
Maybe you have too.
It was the first day I felt overall grief. It also made me feel connected to all of you. Because we are all just figuring this out. All of us. We so badly want control, and we are reminded, again, we don't have it. It's hard to see what the other side of this looks like. This post is supposed to be about hope, I haven't forgotten :-) Here it is:
Hopeful people are helpers. They help others and help themselves. They are also not afraid to ask for help. They know that it's not "I," but "we" that make it through. They know it might not be pretty or that the other side might not look the way they expect, but they go together.
You know the saying that when we help others, we get more than we give. I'd add that when we help others, it actually restores our hope in humanity. It buoys us up, and we feel, at the moment, some control over what is before us.
We are all feeling a massive amount of grief right now. Grief over lives that feel uncertain, and that will not be the same as they were one short month ago (for at least a while). We miss our friends and family. We feel grief over changing lifestyles and uncertain futures.
I've learned from walking through grief is that the first thing you need to do is to name it. And get it out. Articulate what you feel and why. Keeping it in is toxic. Next, you have to take small steps each day (this is the uncomfortable going through part that I mentioned last week). Walks, small action steps, meditation, prayer, reading, expanding your mind and heart, talking with a friend. Whatever feeds your soul. This is how you help yourself.
We help ourselves so we can help others. We invest in our well being so we can invest in the well being of others. We fill our cups so we can fill others'. It can also work in reverse. When we are feeling low and lost, helping others can give us the fuel we need to continue.
Becoming a helper accompanied me through grief. Adopting a life a service brought light to some of my darkest times. It's healing to fix our love on someone else. When we grieve, our hearts are shattered. And when they are shattered, they are cracked open. Shattered hearts see the world in a new way. Shattered hearts feel more profound compassion; they are desperate for light. They shed stereotypes, breakdown walls, and see with fresh eyes and love with a more open heart.
The grief we are feeling, and I see expressed on social media more with each passing day, is not a bad thing. Yes, I wish all this was different. But I can't say I'm sad people are experiencing it. Because, if you will welcome it, if you will feel it, if you will ask the questions it's leading you to ask and do the work it's asking you to do, you will grow into a more beautiful version of yourself.
During my darkest days, I used to whisper to myself, "I will not waste this." This is the message I want to shout to each human, "Don't waste this!" Let us feel all we feel. Let us dig in and help ourselves. Let us turn that energy around and be a helper. Show up for others, even when you feel weak and uncertain. Hopeful people don't have all the answers, but they are willing to be vessels of love and service, despite the gravity of what is before them.
All we have power over is the moment we are in. We have control over how we choose to see this time. This week helping others and myself looked like this:
Organizing home school, so my kids feel some control over their days.
Donating to a local project that is providing food security to those in need Making hard choices that will ultimately set up the non-profit I started for both success and change.
Taking my kids for a walk each day.
Getting up early to do work and exercise.
Working on a special project to support healthcare workers (I'll share more next Sunday).
Spend time working on some personal goals.
Don't lose sight of those! Text friends to let them know I miss them.
Researched grocery delivery and pick up.
Slept in on Saturday :-)
Tomorrow is a new day. Each day builds on the next. So what you do matters today not only for you but for us all.
Hopeful people are helpers. Helpers to themselves, to their families, and to their world. How can you be a helper today?
